The Olympics almost here and some of the events are steaming heaps of garbage!

The Olympics, especially these Rio Summer Games, are not with out their well publicized problems and detractors. But besides all that, many of the sports which are included therein are totally stupid.

Here’s a list of Olympic sports we can all completely ignore and not feel bad about it:

  • Synchronized Swimming
  • Synchronized Diving
  • Badminton
  • Basketball (Men’s)
  • Boxing
  • Canoeing
  • Bicycling
  • Equestrian
  • Fencing
  • Soccer (Men’s)
  • Golf
  • Rhythmic Gymnastics
  • Trampoline
  • Modern Pentathlon
  • Rowing
  • Sailing
  • Shooting
  • Tennis
  • Table Tennis
  • Triathlon

This may sound like a lot of the sports, perhaps too many, to have been judged worthless. I will try to briefly explain the reasons behind my judgements below:

  • Synchronized Swimming
    • This is a performance, not a sport. Maybe ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ will have a spin off show for pool dancing.
  • Synchronized Diving
    • Anything with “synchronized” in the name is right out.
  • Badminton
    • Good for barbecues and picnics, not Olympics. Also how are you supposed to pronounce this word? Bad-min-ton? Ridiculous.
  • Basketball (Men’s)
    • If you’re so good at basketball why aren’t you in the NBA, getting paid? And if you’re in the NBA, why are you wasting your time at the Olympics?
  • Boxing
    • More like ‘sparring’.
  • Canoeing
    • This is a merit badge, not an Olympic sport.
  • Bicycling
    • Actually some of these events are probably OK. Maybe just get rid of the road races. We have the Tour of France for that.
  • Horse Dancing
    • The horses don’t get the medals, that is discrimination.
  • Fake Sword Fighting
    • Wannabe aristo nonsense.
  • Soccer (Men’s)
    • What is the point? The World Cup is already a better event AND more corrupt. Nothing in this for anyone.
  • Golf
    • I tell ya, golf courses and cemeteries are the biggest wasters of prime real estate!
  • Rhythmic Gymnastics
    • Sorry, you are confusing the Summer Games with Cirque du Soleil.
  • Modern Pentathlon
    • Like fencing, only five times more stupid.
  • Rowing
    • Belongs in the weight room next to the elliptical machines, not the Olympics.
  • Sailing
    • GTFO of here with boat racing. Seriously, get lost.
  • Shooting
    • Unfair to countries that have tougher gun control laws.
  • Tennis
    • Pointless, there are already four majors every year.
  • Ping Pong
    • MAYBE if foosball or skeeball were Olympic sports. Until then, no way.
  • Triathlon
    • Try playing real sports, not trying to be the best at exercising.
  •  Trampoline
    • Go home Olympics, you’re drunk.

While we’re at it, I would get rid of Speedwalking (just absurd) and the Hammer Throw, or at least rename it to the vastly more accurate Ball and Chain Throw.

With all that space cleared up we now have room to add more worthy competitions, like Kabaddi and Pesapallo.

These decisions are final and I will be brooking no debate on the subject. Thank you.

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